Wikipedia – the editors of Wikipedia earlier today discovered that the entry for “The White House” had been edited by an unknown person. Before they changed it back (also deleting versions called “House of Horrors”, the “Nut House” and “Renovators Delight”), a copy was kept.

This version is set out below.

“The White House Adult Day Care Centre is a well known adult day care centre at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC. It moved to its present site in 1800 from Philadelphia, having been started as a small affair, but with great hope for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, in 1788.

It was originally known as the President’s Mansion Adult Day Care Centre. However, it changed its name after it needed to be painted white when some exchange students from Great Britain playing with matches caused a fire in 1812 and nearly burnt it down. It has been renovated over the years with the addition of a West Wing and a large oval playroom.

The centre has a high fence to keep the students in. There are large green lawns and a rose garden. A vegetable garden was added recently. Although it is not used by current students who wanted a well done hamburger garden planted instead.

The White House Adult Day Care Centre has a four year programme starting on 20 January every four years. Most students stay for the full year period. And those that perform well may stay for eight. No student has ever been expelled although one decided to leave after being found to have gone through the exam preparation notes stolen from the study at the home of another potential student.

Competition for admission is intense. Therefore, most potential students try and pad their resumes. Although in the past it was assumed that these resumes would, at a minimum, include some information about experience that was actually relevant to admission to the White House.

The experience of the most recent student admitted to the centre was limited to gold plating bathroom taps, gambling and describing heel spurs to credulous doctors.

Students come from all states of the Union, although they must be native born. Since its establishment, the Centre has only accepted males as students. There was a move in 2016 to accept women. But that was in the end voted down by the community association which supports the centre.

The programme has varied. However, over the last 50 years, it is generally acknowledged that the White House Adult Day Care centre has the best collection of fighter planes and warships, which the students are free too use. They don’t need to share them with the students at other centres. Or even ask permission before using them.

The collection of toys started off small and was allowed to run down in the 1920s and 1930s. However, it now has more toys than the next 20 largest adult day care centres anywhere in the world. The Downing Street Adult Day Care Centre previously had a lot of ships but not many planes. And the Kremlin Adult Day Care Centre had tanks but its submarines kept sinking. The Berlin day care centre had a good collection but one of the students in the 1940s played with them too hard and they all broke. The Tokyo Adult Day Care Centre only allows toys that won’t hurt anyone. The Canberra Adult Day Care Centre buys all of its toys in Adelaide and, as a result, they were of poor quality and break with even gentle play. The helicopters kept crashing and the ships needed to be repaired constantly.

Traditionally, the White House Adult Day Care Centre prided itself on a rigorous programme. The day started early. Classes were intensive. Essays had to be written and were normally longer than 140 characters. And there was significant amount of homework.

Some of the subjects taught and skills developed included avoiding nuclear war, the rule of law and fighting poverty. And there were social skills to learn including making clever and witty statements while walking in groups of three down long corridors.

Notwithstanding the number of people fighting for admission, some of the recent students have been of only average ability. This lack of ability means that the staff now allow students to watch television during the day, and night.

An early attempt at showing television programmes on good governance and international relations has been abandoned with the current shows being about hurricanes in places that send students to the Congressional Adult Day Care Centre told by women with blonde hair and white teeth.

And nothing about hurricanes affecting people who liberal commentators seem to continuously, curiously and pompously describe as having “the same rights as all Americans” when they obviously don’t have the one key necessary right for relevance – the right to vote.

The sex education programme has varied over the years. It was particularly active in the 1960s and again between 1992 and 2000. It is now believed to have ceased altogether.

Sports have varied. Swimming in the 1930s and 40s, jogging in the 1970s (some very unfortunate photos are available) and horse shoe throwing in the 2000s. But golf has been a constant.

The White House Adult Day Care Centre is part of an association of day care centres including the Supreme Court Adult Day Care Centre and the Congressional Day Care Centre. Both of these are co-educational. The Congressional Day Care Centre has both a two year programme and a six year programme. The Supreme Court Centre takes older students, but they then stay forever. There used to be intra mural activities between the centres, but these have been suspended following mutual accusations of cheating and bad sportsmanship.

The centre rules were originally drafted in 1788 at the time of establishment of the centre, and have changed little. While they are publicly available, it is understood that some students do not have a copy and have never read them.

Traditionally, an appointment on the staff of the White House Adult Day Care Centre has been seen as prestigious and the competition intense. But online rating of staff by students has meant that the best staff don’t apply. A new headmaster was recently appointed – although whether his core skills of calling cadence, push ups and paperwork will turn the centre around are at best uncertain. And he surprised everyone yesterday at assembly by telling them he was not about to be fired. Which means “he is about to be…..”.

The White House Day Care Centre has recently been the subject of a number of critical articles. And criticism from students at other centres, as well as staff. An adjunct professor on foreign affairs called the students “fucking morons”.

A review has been announced when students answered “true” to a question of “does an increase in the value of the Stockmarket reduce the national debt?”

Unsurprisingly, the IQ test results of students and staff are no longer released.

Only time will tell if the White House Adult Day Care Centre will remain as one of the leading institutions in the world.”