Washington: January 12, 2019

As the Trump presidency enters its third year, a group of loyal supporters has been advancing plans for a Trump Presidential Library. The plans became available when lawyers failed to properly redact documents filed with the court.

We now know the library will be in two places. The New York library will be open Monday to Friday. The Palm Beach library will be open on weekends.

Initial work has been slowed by a failure to agree a budget. This has particularly affected the design for the surrounding wall, made more difficult by the increase in the cost of steel. At this stage, it is planned to use fencing from abandoned soybean farms in the Midwest and steel from unsold American automobiles.

While it has been traditional to have a replica of the Oval Office in Presidential libraries, it is thought that planners have decided that it would be more realistic to recreate the Presidential bedroom and allow visitors to be able to sit on a replica bed and tweet messages projected on a television tuned to Fox News. Curators argued for a “trigger warning” outside this exhibit. However, these notices were abandoned after Betsy DeVos threatened to withdraw funding.

Support from Saudi Arabia has already been sourced for the Jared Kushner gallery. Work has begun and the sound of saws can already be heard.

There are exhibits planned on some of the Presidential children. For Ivanka, a former curator (rumoured to be Steve Bannon) has argued that a blank white space with pictures of ski runs in Colorado projected on weekends properly reflects her contribution. However, at this stage no decision has been made as all the retail sponsors have withdrawn.

There will be a gallery dedicated to Melania Trump although this will only be open one day a month. It will feature a bedroom that locks from the inside and a game where you have to repeatedly slap a small hand away.

There will be theme park rides. One will be based on the “Trump Escalator” and you will be able to have your photograph taken waiving and smirking as you descend into a marble pit while paid extras clap and cheer. You will also be able to play golf while middle aged white men in plaid trousers praise your skill.

There are also plans for a ride where you can pretend to be attending a rally in a state that voted for Hillary Clinton and secret service agents throw themselves in front of bullets fired at you. But no one has been able to make this ride work – in the prototype, the secret service agents kept shooting the President.

The opening date is not yet known although rumours suggest that 60% of Americans are willing to contribute to GoFundMe for a starting date in early 2019.