To: The President

From: Head of Human Resources, The White House

You have asked me to review the incentive arrangements for employees in the White House.

It is clear that there needs to be greater accountability when your brilliant initiatives such as fighting corruption in the Ukraine, protecting soy bean farmers in the mid west and working cooperatively with our Kurdish allies have not led to a boost in support from voters outside those who believe a right to an automatic assault rifle is more valuable than a right a hospital bed.

At your suggestion, I asked Jared to speak to Mohammed bin Salman. He seemed reluctant to make the call.

Finally, I had to tell him that the CIA has confirmed that it was only the team who were actually on the ground in Istanbul who are being executed. The incompetent sycophants who worked directly for MBS and planned the whole operation have been exonerated.

Although he still seemed tense. And kept rubbing the back of his neck.

We did check with Kim Jong-un. But at this stage I think that flame throwers are not really needed.

Everything else is in place to implement the new incentive plan. An unaccountable leader – clearly covered. And a supine judiciary – last year’s effort with Brett Kavanagh was worth it.

I’ll draft the memorandum to all staff – “Communications – Sharpening Our Message”.