London: 13 January 2020

The Queen announced today that Meghan and Harry will cease to perform royal duties and move to Canada.

The formal announcement stated that:

“There are complex matters to resolve, and there is more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be made in the coming days”.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman said:

“Her Majesty wanted to thank the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, for allowing the Leave campaign team to assist in negotiations between the family members.”

He went on to say:

Without the experience of the Leave campaign, we could not possibly have announced an irrevocable agreement to separate from the Royal Family and fundamentally alter a system that has been in place for more than a thousand years with absolutely none of the actual details worked out and agreed”.

Later news reports that Prince Philip was overheard muttering “what could possibly go wrong from here” were said by a Palace spokesman to be a conversation between the Prince and his car mechanic.